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Friday, July 11, 2003 @ 03:43 p.m.

10 Most Dangerous Foods to eat on the Road

found here:

Coffee. It always finds a way out of the cup.

Hot soup. Many people drink it like coffee. Same effects.

Tacos. "A food that can disassemble itself without much help, leaving your car looking like a salad bar," says Hagerty.

Chili. Dangerous drips and slops down the front of clothing.

Hamburgers. Grease, ketchup, mustard on your hands, your clothes and the steering wheel.

Barbecue. Spicey and dicey. There is the temptation to lick your fingers. More grease on the steering wheel.

Fried chicken. Ditto. Grease coats everything you touch.

Jelly or cream-filled doughnuts. Dangers relate to oozing while cruising. Raspberry jelly stains difficult to remove.

Soft drinks. Prone to spills and sudden fizzing if car makes sudden movements. Cola fizz in the nose is perilous while driving.

Chocolate. Tempting but treacherous. Try to clean it off the steering wheel and you're likely to end up swerving.

Wednesday, June 4, 2003 @ 05:28 p.m.

the best cover letter ever

found this letter here

To Whom It May Concern:

I am applying for the job of INSERT JOB TITLE HERE. You may review my attached resume to learn all about my vast experience and the unique qualities that make me perfect for the INSERT POSITION TITLE HERE.

Of course, there is surely someone more qualified out there. Someone with more experience.

Maybe there is someone from within your company and you've got a policy to always hire from within. Maybe the Executive Vice President's second cousin is looking for a job and you owe him a favor because he never told anyone about the time he found you drunk and naked in the copy room. Maybe some busty blonde slipped naked pictures of herself into her resume. There are plenty of reasons you probably won’t hire me.

But, before you make that hasty choice, let me tell you something. I haven't had full time work in nearly a year. I am hungry. So very hungry. I will do anything to get this job. Have you always wanted to try out your very own casting couch but were afraid of the sexual harassment lawsuits? Don't worry, touch me wherever you want and I’ll never tell another living soul. I don't care if you are male or female; I want this job. And remember, I haven't had a nine to five since last June, so there will be nothing too kinky for me. Cleveland Steamer? I’ve always considered Cleveland to be the most unappreciated American city.

I want this job.

And if I am lucky enough to get this job, I will do anything to keep it. Have you been embezzling money from the company for years, and they are just about to find out? I'll help you cover it up. And if the shit is really about to hit the fan, I'll help you pin the wrap on someone else, maybe that dork in accounting who scratched the paint on your new Lexus when he opened his car door to quickly in the company parking lot.

I'm a team player. If we are on a business trip and you want me to pull a train on that prostitute you brought up to the hotel and are going to expense to the company, I will. I'm just that kind of guy. And if you need someone to tell your wife you really were working late in the office on Friday night? I'll do it. I'll lie for you. My eternal soul is a small price to pay for a full time job.

I need this job.

Is the company to cheap to hire you a personal assistant? Well, I'll get you coffee and bagels in the morning, and pick up your dry cleaning in the afternoon. I'm not really that good at taking dictation, but if you need me to, I'll learn. You drop your pen behind your desk and you need me to bend over and pick it up? My ass is there for you.

Just think of me as that lonely guy in school, that everyone knew who end up marrying the first woman who agrees to have sex with him. I will be as loyal to you as that guy is to his domineering wife. I will still love you know matter how much you abuse me. And if you dally with other employees, buying them lunch in the office cafeteria, or only CCing them on important emails (and those racist/sexist Spam jokes you like to forward around the office) I won’t mind. I'm not the jealous type.

Please give me this job.

Regards,

Michael G

Wednesday, May 7, 2003 @ 05:46 p.m.

that was interesting

i always find it hillarious when couples fight publicly. as i was waiting at the bus stop yesterday, i saw a car stop abruptly at the intersection. then a girl kicked her boyfriend out of the car and yelled at him as he walked down the street. she screaming something about him not "taking care of his reponsiblity." she was either talking about rent or she's knocked up. or both. hell she could have been yelling about not taking out the trash.

aww, love. such a splendid thing.

Sunday, April 27, 2003 @ 03:54 p.m.

DADD

article from winamp.com

DADD (Dating Attention Deficit Disorder)
By Mike Darrah
Published April 15, 2003 @ 11:27 AM

DADD (Dating Attention Deficit Disorder)

Definition:
A common disorder in which the other partner of a pair "dating" or spending time together whom are mutually attracted to each other but can not commit or make definitive decisions on what they want or expect from the other party. Quite common in the age range of 18 - 24 for both males and females.

Side effects of condition:
A feeling of vast confusion on the part of the opposite party involved with DADD. Creates a lack of formation of meaningful relationships which may lead to ISADD, ICSLUT, NTTTD, IJARD if not treated efficiently.

Some possible treatments to this disorder include:

• The partner which is witnessing this disorder should call the other partner out on it (may have adverse reactions however and cause FOCD to occur instead of DADD)
• Dating others in similar social circle to illustrate need for correction of DADD to other party. (Reported to cause IJARD in some case studies)
• Walking away from entire situation (Reported to cause ISADD to occur in non DADD party occasionally)
• Becoming the Y member of the relationship and thus becoming DADDY to other party (Known to cause TMTD on occasion)
• SEX (Known to cause FOCD, ISAD, NTTTD, IJARD, TMTD, ICSLUT in extreme levels quite rapidly; proceed with caution)
• Abstinence (Known to cause ISADD, SBD)
• Buying the other party going though DADD expensive gifts (May cause NTTTD, SBD, ICSLUT)
• Doing nothing but keeping your options open and keeping in a positive, fun mood (Most effect treatment, no known adverse reactions other then IJARD on occasion due to the fact that the DADD party loses the other non DADD party to a new non DADD partner)

Wednesday, April 23, 2003 @ 11:21 p.m.

ms. clark is crying now

ms. clark, my 7th grade history teacher had the biggest crush on Luther Vandross. i remember once telling her that he was gay just to piss her off. i wonder if she's crying now...

Luther Vandross Suffers Stroke
Thu Apr 17, 8:40 PM ET

By Joal Ryan

The "Here and Now" must be especially precious for Luther Vandross, felled by a stroke Wednesday.

"Vandross is under medical care, and his family and friends are hopeful for a speedy recovery," Carmen Romano, the singer's business manager, said in a statement.

The three-time Grammy-winning R&B star turns 52 on Sunday.

News of Vandross' attack came from his label, J Records. There was no official word on his condition, other than he was recovering at a New York hospital. But the Associated Press quotes a "source close to the singer" saying Vandross suffered the stroke at his Manhattan home and that it was serious, but the singer is conscious.

The singer's latest album, Dance with My Father, is due out June 17.

The album is the 15th of Vandross' solo career and features contributions by Beyoncé Knowles, Queen Latifah and Stevie Wonder, among others.

He was scheduled to perform April 30, in Memphis, at the grand-opening ceremonies for the Stax Museum of American Soul Music, dedicated to the legendary R&B label Stax Records (home to the likes of Otis Redding (news) and Sam and Dave). He also was slated to do a guest-judge cameo on the May 6 episode of American Idol.

Vandross' health has been the subject of speculation for years, due to his very public battles with the bulge. The sultry-voiced, six-foot-three soul man has weighed as much as 340 pounds and as little as 200. In recent years, he has been on the svelte side.

"As a celebrity, rumors start," Vandross told the Website HealthTalk in 2001. "There were rumors that I died. There were rumors that I had AIDS (news - web sites), all because of the weight loss."

According to Vandross, he's just a yo-yo dieter, gaining and losing 120 pounds 14 separate times in his life.

"I don't function in the gray area well," he told HealthTalk. "I'm a black-and-white person. I'm either thin-thin, or I'm WWF heavy."

Vandross also copes with diabetes, a condition he was diagnosed with at age 18, and hypertension.

No amount of health issues, though, thwarted one of the most successful music careers ever. Beginning with his 1981 solo debut, Never Too Much, the New York-born singer-songwriter became R&B's standard-bearer of the smooth love song. In short, long before there was American Idol's Ruben Studdard, there was, and is, Luther Vandross (news).

His greatest hits could (and sometimes do) fill a wedding reception: the title track from Never Too Much, "Give Me the Reason," "Always and Forever," "Power of Love" and "Here and Now."

Vandross' career dates back to the early 1970s, when as something of a prodigy (he was 20), he composed a song, "Everybody Rejoice (A Brand New Day)," for the Broadway musical The Wiz.

Throughout the 1970s, he apprenticed as a backup vocalist for the likes of Bette Midler (news), Barbra Streisand (news) and David Bowie (news). Bowie's landmark 1975 album Young Americans even contains a track cowritten by Vandross ("Fascination").

Of his new album, Vandross said in a statement, "I have been reexamining the way I write: I don't want to say anything that was just nifty."

Tuesday, April 8, 2003 @ 09:14 p.m.

and they emerge

colby's website
rings + links
take the disgruntled quiz
thanks pitas!

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